#01: Garnish
best 2nd date quote:
“I took out a student loan I didn’t need and put it all into crypto…
and then I lost all of it…”
“Garnish” was a wholesome(ish) international late-twenties guy from Taiwan, who had recently moved to NYC for a new job. Unfortunately he trusted his roommate to pick their place, with neither of them knowing much about NYC — and that’s how he ended up living on Roosevelt Island in complete isolation.
green flags: communication + conflict-resolution, did not lie about his height on his profile
red flags: impulsiveness, wanting 2 jobs, hair and skin that somehow always appeared wet (??), crypto investment fiasco, questionable humor
Highlights:
was cool to learn that he was an EMT in Taipei for just over a year (but after realizing he did it to avoid the military service mandate, maybe made it less cool?)
from a friend: “there’s a difference between someone volunteering for EMT out of the goodness of their heart and someone doing EMT service because they’re avoiding military duty”
he wanted to get a second full-time job — because his data-science job was “too chill” and he wanted to make as much $$$ in as short a time as possible
also quoted that he eventually wanted his “own” company because of the he was “tired of working on someone else’s dream”
(when I asked him for an example, he said “I don’t know! Anything! I just want to own something”)
he had an idea to open up a “T-TOWN” in the middle of KTOWN where he would serve $5 lu-rou-fan (and somehow make a profit + still be able to afford prime midtown rent??)
his parents got divorced when he was 6 and he claimed that it was handled “totally fine and diplomatically” without any drama (highly suspect)
was willing to trip with a stranger (me) and that’s what we did for our second (and last) date
bonus: his response when I asked him on our first date to “do you trip?” was — “… Acid? Mushrooms? DMT? ayahuasca? YEs.”
Initial first date impression
We spent nearly 5 hours chatting over drinks on a Thursday (from 7:45PM- 12:45AM), and at the end of it I still wasn’t sure of the chemistry. But since it was the first-first date, I wanted to give him a second chance. He was interesting, open-minded, and a little shy (by how much air was in our goodbye hug, he seemed afraid to touch me). I left thinking maybe nerves got in the way…
(but also I couldn’t decide if I thought he was cute? like he was attractive, but maybe not my cup of tea? …in hindsight this should probably have already been enough of a sign…)
Second date lessons
Turns out, if chemistry was iffy the first time, the second time around — you’re not going to magically find them any cuter and have chemistry manifest… (even if there are drugs involved!) who knew??
🤔
🤔
questionable humor moments
exhibit A:
context — in between the first + second date, I had an art street fair that I invited him to. He was nice enough to come and he even got a print! (a copy of “misery drink” — which is essentially my face drinking my own tears out of a martini glass). He expressed that he wasn’t sure where the print would go in his home
the next morning, he sent this photo and nothing else. When I saw it I was ready to delete this man out of my life
exhibit A of his shitty humor
(he apologized the day after + that is how we ended up with date #2)
exhibit B:
for our second date, I planned for us to take some mushroom chocolates — walk along the highline, and then go see a space art exhibit (so, basically guaranteed to be a good time even if there was still 0 chemistry)
the exhibit was a huge room with an animated experimental space video playing on a 30 minute loop. At some point in the animation, it showed the Earth as a blue marble and slowly zoomed out.
Both of us are sitting on the ground. I leaned over to Garnish, and said
“…It’s crazy how there are still some people who believe the Earth is flat and are willing to die on that hill..”
at which point — Garnish interjected, and said
“The Earth is flat”
I looked at him with ??? while his expression seemed earnest.
“What..?”
“The Earth, it’s flat.”
Garnish repeated once more
And then (after what felt like a way too long pause) he nudged my arm and let out a shallow laugh to signal that he was “just teasing” me.
I refused to accept this attempt at humor and said, “oh. ha.ha. I was confused for a second… if you’re a flat-earther that would have been a deal breaker for me”
Garnish replied “damn. I guess I need to work on my jokes. that’s another one that didn’t land”
Baggage Claim
inspired by the dating game show — where each contestant has a small, medium, and large sized “baggage” that they reveal over 3 rounds in hopes to win a date - this an attempt to guess what would be in each baggage for Garnish
-
he is self conscious of his receding hairline and regularly perms his hair in hopes that the volume will suffice as a distraction
(also does this with hats and strategically placed sunglasses)
-
he is lonely and has a hard time making friends + relationships that last. He can be a people pleaser, maybe because there’s hope that if others claim him, then he’ll finally know where he belongs
(* he commented that when growing up he felt like he didn’t quite fit in Taiwan, nor the states — he also said NYC was “great for lonely people” 3 separate times on our first date…)
(** when we were looking at the menu and I picked a dish that I didn’t realize had mayo — which he then told me he “absolutely hated” since childhood, even after I was like oh! let’s say no mayo or get something else — he kept insisting that we should order it with the mayo! and then he pretended to “enjoy” it!😠)
-
he is more affected than he likes to admit by his parents “diplomatic” divorce and carries guilt for shaming his mother for attempting to date when he was in high school (she never remarried after his dad’s affair)
now that she is 60+, she is lonely and without a partner in Taiwan and regularly calls him to shed her grief
(*using Hinge Prompts as inspo)
Final Thoughts*
Going on a date with Garnish was like…
finding a $5 bill on the floor. Nothing too crazy — but it still can make your day! You enjoy the free drink, and then move on with your life
3.5/5
